Potty Training Laughs

After months of trying to get Emmitt potty trained we are at our wits end. We have tried just about everything and the kid will NOT poo in the toilet. (We have one last trick up our sleeve and that's slipping him a laxative like in Dumb and Dumber so he won't be able to hold it in for days like he does now). Anyway, I was determined tonight to have Emmitt go #2 in the toilet because I know he's been playing peek-a-boo all day in his underwear. So I sat him down on the toilet at about 9:30pm Sunday night and told him that he wasn't going to move off the toilet until he went "black" in the toilet (He calls pee "green" and poo "black"). After about an hour Lorie came in and wanted mercy, but I was not about to come this far without success. So he sat there just as patiently as I was. Good thing I had a book to read. Finally, around 11pm he had leaned over to rest on the bath tub. A few minutes later I heard him snoring!!!!! I couldn't believe it. This kid has got some serious fortitude. I guess he wins this round. We'll see what happens after we slip him a mickey.

"Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool."

It's that time of year and I'm not too thrilled about it. Does school ever end??!! I just finished the first week and it has already been crazy for me and for Lorie. We're basically going to see each other in the mornings before 8am and in the evenings after 9pm from M-Th. Fortunately we have the weekends to have more family time. The good news is that I like all of my teachers and the classes aren't too boring.

If it seems like I'm not answering my phone as much or I'm not as social as I normally am I hope you all will understand. I'll try and keep our blog updated as best we can so that we can still have some kind of communication with everyone.

GO COUGARS!!

SHE'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After much anticipation Ruby Maxine Gardine has joined our family here on earth.  We have so many reasons to be grateful.  She is very healthy and happy (didn't even squak when she got her hepatitis B shot).  Lorie also made it through like a champ (I think she might get into the man club after that).  

Ruby weighed in at 8.7 lbs and 18.5 inches long.  Her APGAR was 8-9.  She was a little bruised on her cheeks from the delivery but I think we can all live with that.  She has a TON of hair and I have no idea where she could've gotten that from (I may demand a paternity test).  I posted a few pics here, but if you'd like some more then please give me your email address and I'd be happy to send you a bunch more.  

Playing the role of the father during all of this (basically getting anything out of reach and bringing it to Lorie) I have loved having a front seat to the spectacle of birth.  I have not loved being sleep deprived and I can't imagine how Lorie has gone on LESS sleep than me!  I'm so glad the Olympics have been on in the background for all of those "waiting hours" between all of the fun stuff.  Michael Phelps is un-freaking-real!!!  

Anyway, thanks for all your support and prayers (unless you are one of those who never prayed for us or supported us).  We are getting ready for life to really shift gears.  LIFE IS GOOD!!!

I think I'll get my wife back...

I'm sure I'm not the only man who has been a little neglected due to the recent "Twilight" series phenomenon.  I think I might finally get some more attention.  While I am all for book learnin' I can't wait to see what Lorie will do with her new spare time.  I just hope it isn't spent watching Oprah or Ellen.  Who knows maybe she'll write her own million dollar novel and I'll be able to be Mr. Mom.  

Man Card Club

So while I was at Eli's wedding in St. George (packed the camera and didn't even remember to take one picture) and I got to talking with a shared friend of Eli and myself.  He started to tell me about his "man club" and asked if I wanted to be a part of it so I said "sure".  Well he sent me an email describing what I had to do to become a member.  

I had to write a 2-3 paragraph explanation of my manliness (i.e. stories of what I have done in life that would prove my manliness).  So as silly as it sounded I went ahead and emailed my submission to the "man board" for approval.  Here's what I wrote:  

"Brethren,

 

I humbly recognize my position as a new candidate for the Man Card Club.  I am aware that my acceptance truly depends upon your sustaining vote.  For this purpose I will herein explain why I should be considered for your vote.  

 

I won't bore you by telling you about my great athletic ability or my hairy chest or even the size of my... never mind.  What I will tell you is far more telling about my manliness than any of those things.

 

I wake up every day and go to a crummy job and make crappy money.  I don't go to the gym anymore.  All of my disposable income and savings is gone from me.  I don't buy new sneakers until the current pair fall off my feet.  I still wear shirts from high school and my mission.  I don't own a home or have a personal portfolio.  I am a starving college student.  My free time is no longer occupied with a pick-up game of anything like it used to.  You may be asking yourselves how this could possibly be my proof of manhood.  Why would anyone live such a seemingly dull life?  The answer my friends:  My wife.  Anyone who would begin to call themselves a man has not lived until he has lived for his significant other.  I take pride in this.  That is why I will be an excellent addition to your Man Card Club.  Thank you for your valuable time gentlemen.  (If any of you would still like to hear about my athletic ability or see pictures of my hairy chest etc. then please let me know.  Nobody likes to talk about me more than me.)

 

Warmest regards,

-Asa Gardine-"

Apparently this was not received very well by the "man board" and almost all of the "men" voted "no" after much ridicule.  They were willing to change their vote to a yes if I were to submit another email describing actual events that demonstrate my manliness.  So I gave in and wrote about the times I wrestled a bear and punched a shark etc. and I was voted in.  Now that I'm in I don't know how long I'll last.  From what I've seen so far it is basically a bunch of "yo mama" jokes and insulting each other.  Anyway, I'll keep you posted if anything worth blogging about actually happens.